The above introduction does a much better job of engaging the reader. This applicant lets the reader know the setting—his French class—even though he never explicitly states the location of the story. If there is something unique about yourself that is also relevant to your essay, then by all means start with that! The impetus was Superman, whose exploits on television had induced my experiment.
Nine stitches and thirteen years later, while I no longer attempt to be stronger than steel or faster than a speeding bullet, I still find myself testing my limits, mental and physical. I tell people I could stop anytime, but deep inside, I know I am lying. I need to listen to music, to write music, to play music every day. I sing myself hoarse each morning in the shower, and playing the trumpet leaves a red mouthpiece-shaped badge of courage on my lips all day.
I suspect that if someone were to look at my blood under a microscope, they would see, between the platelets and t-cells, little black musical notes coursing through my body. Both writers have succeeded in grabbing our attention and revealing something unique about their personalities, which they will go on to explain in further detail.
Starting with a concrete image helps the reader to grasp your point more immediately. This is probably not a particular episode, since the applicant frequently uses the kitchen table as a thoughtful refuge. Yet she offers a vivid description with concrete details, and so we can picture her sitting at her kitchen table, letting her mind drift into pensive thought.
There are many ways to engage your reader, but the elements of mystery and surprise are perhaps the most effective. With admissions officers pouring over as many as fifty essays in a day, they begin to scan applicant statements, stopping to read only those that are written extremely well and are out of the ordinary. There is perhaps no better way to get your readers to finish reading your personal statement than to make them guess what you are writing about through the element of mystery.
They would sneer at our audacity. We would invade their territory only to take pictures and observe them like tourists. Though the applicant provides precise details that help form a concrete picture in the mind of the reader, he makes sure to keep from relating other vital information that will establish context until the second paragraph:. My mental image was confirmed. My class, consisting of twelve primarily white, middle-class students, felt out of place. We were at a farm worker labor camp in southern New Jersey, but judging from the rural landscape, it may as well have been Iowa.
I felt like a trespasser.
Share a problem you have faced, and then explain how you tackled it. When does the power to intervene become an obligation to act? I gained some insight into this dilemma when a small part of the Bosnian war spilled into my home last year. You do not need to limit yourself to far-reaching global issues. You could state a general problem common to the lives of most people and then go on to personalize it for yourself, relating how it affects you and what you are doing or will do to address it.
Instead, we stayed in our small rural West Texas town, and my parents took us to cemeteries.
I underwent, during the summer that I became fourteen, a prolonged religious crisis. Alone, we are doomed. Your hook and opening paragraph should establish the topic of your essay or at least allude to it and set the scene and tone. All it takes to understand the importance of an outline is listening to someone who struggled to tell a personal story. Often, the story will seem to have no real point. An outline will help you organize your thoughts before committing them to text.
soilstones.com/wp-content/2020-01-06/2831.php Consider your opening hook and the statement it makes, then map out the sequence of events or main points that support it. Just like a good fictional story, your essay should have rising action. Raise the stakes with each paragraph until you reach a climax or turning point. Plan to add a conclusion that will evoke an emotional response in your reader.
What did your experiences teach you about sexism? What does it mean to you as an individual? Close your eyes. What were you experiencing with your five senses? How did you feel? Your challenge is to evoke those senses and feelings without flatly stating them. I shivered and pulled the blanket tight around my shoulders in a vain attempt to trap my body heat.
Your essay should end with your own reflection and analysis.
What did you learn? How have the events and thoughts you described changed your life or your understanding of life?
Circling back to your lead in your conclusion is one way to give readers that full-circle sense. Try to restate your thesis in a way that reflects the journey the essay has taken. There is so much outside the false cloister of private experience; and when you write, you do the work of connecting that terrible privacy to everything beyond it.